woman. warrior. writer. 06-23-25

Vol. 6 No. 10 06-23-25

How to Save Yourself

Committed. We’re in deep now. Six months in and we have finally solidified our relationship – it was an epic morning. The beginning: I fell immediately for that fine sleek look. Is it possible? Can we? OMG HOW EXCITING. Like many relationships it started on a high note, forged in the cool fire of wave and light, but there were adjustments. Two inches shorter than my past flame, Board is a neat 8’10” so I had to learn to shift my weight. Board has a rocker. New for me. BUT HERE WE ARE: Me and Thunderbolt CJ Nelson Design Parallax Plus from Surfboard Factory, and we are all in for each other and will never separate. There are no open relationships and Esther Perel can go to hell. It’s just me and Board.

Board needs regular wax, love, and protection from the bumps of hard ground and a little babying. Darling Board requires sock shelter and rests near my door entrance. But wow, Board and Me, we’re so good, and today was so awesome that I was compelled to say that JOY matters. However you find it. In an endless blue that stretches beyond forever, I am always renewed. Board delivers me to sweetness and exhilaration, and I always feel better after hanging out together.

I have a lot of surf buddies: for days, years, months, seasons, and truly every person I have surfed with has taught me about how to see the world. Here are the dawn patrol women I surf with: Noreen, and sisters Susan and Vicki! They cheer Board and me on when we pearl, when we ride down the line, when we miss, when we turtle and get lost in the white water and most importantly, when we wonder if we’re gonna get better, they say wow, you and Board are MEANT TO BE. Yeah! They’re badass.

Vick was there at our first meeting and she and her sis helped me land my forever hot sweet Board. So thankful!

On a serious note: during my 50s I underwent a massive shift in life. I relocated to my matrilineal home—Hawai’i, and divorced after a 21 year marriage. Burned. To. The. Ground. My system completely rewired. I’ll say this to anyone in the process of rebuilding a life: like the phoenix you will rise, but you gotta commit. Not just to surviving, but to joy. Own fully that you are at the bottom of the ditch, but know that you will get better and vow to make good on that promise to yourself.

Surfing led to so many friendships with people from every walk of life. The water heals; the ocean requires reverence; the joy it brings is real, humbling, and reminds us that we are here to experience awe and wonder. If you are not brought to your knees looking at the water, you’re not looking. It is magnificent. The water is our truth. Joy can be found in the natural world, for it reminds us of our mortality, of the precious brevity of life, of beauty’s ache and wit. We are living creatures, witness to the slip of clouds moving across sky, the ease of a smile against a pink dawn.

To heal requires commitment. Dad, a survivor of the Korean War said this while shaking his fist for extra emphasis: “LIFE IS JUST LIKE A-FIGHTING A-WAR. DO NOT QUIT EVER EVER EVER. FIGHT-FIGHT-FIGHT.” After one of his rallying cries you were prepared to conquer — oh, a sidewalk. A math problem. Face a social terror. A Korean family friend once relayed the story of his exhausted father, determined to pass his exams. To force himself awake his determined dad set up a knife on the table so that if he fell asleep, the knife would stab him in the forehead. STUDY OR DIE became this family’s lore and mantra…fear based academic achievement, there you go!

We don’t all have to be fanatical Koreans. BUT if you are in a bad state, you must commit to healing or you will NEVER GET BETTER. Life is short. Make this a good go around. Make life big. Wide. Beautiful. And joyful. SAVE YOURSELF or DIE. COMMIT OR DIE. Live as the alternative is always death, metaphoric or real.

In the saving and reclaiming of myself, I began two practices that transformed how I move through the world, that I had absolutely no experience with prior: hula and surfing.

I’m a member Ka Pā Hula o Kauanoe o Wa'ahila led by phenomenal Kumu Maelia Lobenstein Carter. (the extended version of this interview provides insight about women leaders and why we need indigenous women to govern and lead us)

Under my Kumu’s teaching and with the grace of my hula sisters I learned to smile again, something I had forgotten how to do during marriage and divorce. I also shifted how I took in this land and place I am deeply privileged to call home. I am deeply thankful for her presence, class, and commitment to joy, beauty, and expression.

A shot of rehearsal of Ka Pā Hula o Kauanoe o Wa'ahila 9/6/25 in Waimea Valley! They are amazing—go see them! I love watching them.

My maternal clan was from the first wave of Koreans to arrive in the Kingdom of Hawai’i and labored on the plantations. Hula has provided me with a deeper understanding of this ocean and rock as despite coming here to see my family, I was not raised here. It has shifted how I see life. I am a forever beginner. Hula is the closest I come to a communal ritualized sacred practice. It is a synthesis of poetry, music, nature, and movement.

I have been a student of various forms of physical movement my entire life. Korean martial arts: Tang Soo Do, Tae Kwan Do, and Pa Sa Ryu—I ranked under my father’s cousin the late great Master Kang Rhee. These martial art forms helped me to grasp my cultural origins on a bodily level. I have no cultural claim to hula, but it connects me to the Islands and my feminine self. It returns me to my center, and gives me dreams about who I want to be. Commit to joy and save yourself.

And always, always, write. Your pen can save your life. It saved mine. Recast the story of your life, community, global realities. Once you commit words to the page you begin to shift the story. It’s quantum physics: The Observer Effect.

BREAK

Life can pull us to the Mariana trench. But if divorce is sinking you, download the e-guide BREAK: How to Write Your Divorce Story as seen in Oprah Daily, for your personal/legal file to clarify your new life.

NEWS

Honolulu Noir edited by Chris McKinney won HONOLULU Book of the Year (about Hawai’i) for 2024! I am thrilled!

Darien Hsu Gee WWW wrote Artifacts about her relationship with her brother. Subscribe to her substack for superb craft lessons.

Global conflict. Get context. Read the brilliant tour de force China and Russia: Four Centuries of Conflict and Concord by historian Philip Snow. When I hear news commentators on this subject, I think, uh...if they read this book they wouldn’t be saying what they are saying…Paperback is now out.

CLASSES

Intersectionality Manuscript Workshop Sundays Sept. 14-Nov. 16 (10 weeks) 12-2PM (PT)/9-11AM (HST) now enrolling! For writers working on a specific manuscript. MFA level. 1 on 1 meetings, accountability sessions, community. Finish your book! Limited enrollment. Contact writer@drstephaniehan.com

MERCH

Get your WWW merch. Purchase to support women writers taking workshop.

Previously WWW featured will be moved over to substack. Thank you for patience while we are undergoing renovation. If you would like to nominate a WWW, please contact me!

Aloha,

Stephanie