Woman. Warrior. Writer. Health 2-22

Vol. 3 No. 5 Osteoporosis, ADHD, Dead Bug, and Divorce

FEBRUARY 2022 HEALTH

Osteoporosis and Stress

Nothing like bone decay to make you wake up and think about your health differently. Getting diagnosed with osteoporosis in December 2020 forced me to evaluate my physical health with a new lens: Who cares about weight or size when your bones are crumbling to pieces?

Osteoporosis runs in my family and many Asian women have this condition. I spent 2021 surfing, hiking, walking, and zooming into hula class. I got stronger, but my bone health did not stabilize and has declined. Nothing like a Daxa score to remind you that like everyone else on this planet, you are slowly turning into powdery sand and if you want to remain active you gotta take it more seriously.

Osteoporosis is exacerbated by stress. My big takeaway from 2021 was that I could do all of the weight bearing exercise I wanted, but until I addressed stress nothing would change. The truth is that I had a scan some years ago and there was an indication of this condition, but I ignored it.

There were several reasons I had failed to act at that time.

1)    I was so blown out from a terrible marriage that I rarely acknowledged my own physical health—my ex had a bad back so any discussion about bones or health and all household health cash revolved around his condition. You could have told me then that I only had 7 more hours to live and I would have ignored it and tried to make sure life was okay for everyone else. Why? Because I had learned to put myself last.

2)    The doctor didn’t act like it was any big deal that my bones were turning into a fine powder within my very body and I was crumbling, yes sinking into the dust of the earth right then and there. Doctor said, “oh yeah, lot of women your age have this.” And that was that. WTF?

3)    I was completely irresponsible about my own health, both mental and physical.

Now, back to stress…

There are two reasons people have stress:

a)     Societal Realities

Women are 200 years from gender equity in the US. I’m living in 1822. At least I have a working toilet. No wonder I have stress. What can I do about this? Vote. Fastest and easiest way to change current status quo.

b)    Personal Response to Societal Realities

This is harder as it involves getting better at coping with what flies my way. Thinking about stress forced me to reckon with this truth: most of my stress comes from attempting to fulfill expectations set by other people.

In the end we all die, so why bother? (Or choose carefully what to bother with)

Why do my clothes need to be folded? Why did I wear pointy shoes high shoes that threw out my spine and crunched my toes and who the hell thought this was or is a good idea? What are the right books I spent hours reading because I felt judged if I didn’t read them? Why did I not divorce earlier if my marriage made me miserable? The answer to all of this was that I was going by a belief system that others had set for me.

Reframe your Master Narratives.

Our inevitable death puts stress into perspective. You can achieve, accumulate, and experience, but there’s no getting around it—you’re gonna die! We’re all gonna die… Haters are gonna hate. There is no use trying to meet everyone’s expectations of how you should be. Figure out what you believe in and call it a life.

Weights and ADHD

Key to dealing with osteoporosis is weight bearing exercise. Should one be of the non-ADHD varietal, one simply lifts the weights in various configurations and keeps good form for about 10 reps.

Back in the day, I briefly worked out at Gold’s Gym in Venice. A trainer friend of mine, let’s call him Sinbad the Trainer worked as Sylvester Stallone’s body double. Sinbad the Trainer dressed like a pirate, complete with eye patch, black boots, and netting that criss-crossed his orange-hued suntanned chest, and he used to encourage me to do reps by cheering: That’s it! Do 10 and yes, 1 more for GOD! Make it 11! 1 for GOD! Go 11! Awesome. Hey, your calves are lookin’great!

When someone dressed like a pirate says your calves look great, you sort of wonder if maybe there is something wrong with your calves….

I digress. I was primarily a 10 rep kind-o gal when I lifted anything. But rather recently I realized that I need to face that I am really a 7 rep gal. Why? Because I can’t keep proper form for more than 7 reps at this point. I will hit 10, but maybe not for another few months.

I work out with Darin Kawazoe once a week. Darin has helped me slowly shift my walk and address my posture/core issues. He knows I have ADHD and so understands that any exercise I do has to take this condition into account.

My ADHD weightlifting looks like this:

Reps 1-3 Looks great!

Reps 4-5 OK, losing focus.

Reps 6-7 What’s going on? Anyone home?

Reps 8-10 Recovered! Looks good!

Dear Reader, I thought I was simply awesome just killing it with my 7 pound weights on the beach. (Laugh not, we all have to start somewhere) BUT NO.

Darin: Try just three reps in one position…

Steph: THREE? Why only three?

Darin: I think what happens is that you start to lose focus.

Steph: (staring in disbelief…) After three?

Darin: (Nodding) Yes. Three or four.

Steph: ADHD.

Darin: Yes, ADHD. You’re going okay until six, and then it falls apart, and then you recover by eight.

Steph: SIX?

Darin: Six is when it starts to fall apart.

Steph: SIX?

Darin: You pull it together by eight! By eight it looks good!

Steph: SIX?

Darin: Your goal should be seven. Right? Then build it up.

Steph: I thought I was being awesome.

Darin: Eventually! You’re working up to it!

Every time I think that I have reached the bottom of Not Paying Attention it goes even lower…After a mere three reps, my mind wanders:

I need to get some blue slippers. Did I mail that package? That verb needs to be changed at the bottom of the paragraph—omg, did I forget to paginate that story? Did I forget to email about the appointment? Is there enough guinea pig food under the cabinet or do I have to go buy some?

Then in back of all of this noise in my head, I hear Darin’s voice saying: OK, eight! You got it!

I check back in…

ADHD and Accountability

Many ADHD people need accountability help or even doubling (when two people engage in the same activity at the same time).

·      ADHD people are extremely good at focusing when they enjoy what they are doing. Play to your strengths. I know you thought you were going to be an amazing engineer, but guess what, being a brilliant tuba player is what you live for. You lose track of time playing the tuba. Tubas are worthy instruments. Go for it.

·      If you have been procrastinating and avoiding a task, ask someone to hang out with you while you do it. Call a friend. Remember when you did homework with another person? True friendship is when you roll doing the ordinary together. Think about it this way: Anyone can join you for a meal at a nice restaurant, but only a good friend will join you for leftovers at your house! If you are a writer, set up a zoom meet up when you write at the same time as someone else.

·      Know that reaching out for help is OK!

Dead Bug

Forget crunches. Twisting and turning for those with osteoporosis is a bad idea. Be a DEAD BUG.

Hang out in this position. Note the hand and leg positions. Imitate. Switch sides.

Because I like the name Dead Bug, I don’t mind doing this exercise, even if I hold the same position for awhile. I think about it as embodying a creature. I am being a Dead Bug. How does a cockroach die? I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a Dead Bug. What do Dead Bugs think about? Then, for some inexplicable convoluted reason I cannot even begin to trace, I think about the Nutcracker Ballet and the dancing mice and soldiers. Why?

Maybe coz cockroaches are pests and I am thinking about pest control and how there was a mouse last week in my house and how I am tired of telling The Kid to put his food away in the fridge to avoid a Cockroach Dance Festival on the kitchen counters? I think about acting workshop with the late great John Lehne RIP, one of the best teachers I had in my life whose class taught me to write dialog, and how I used to live for those Wednesday evenings in LA in that tiny dark theatre in the Valley. We did animal exercises. What would Lehne think about bugs? Probably not much. But he would have laughed. Dead Bugs have no feeling. Or do they?

FREE Write Your Divorce Story Workshop

I’m giving a FREE Write Your Divorce Story workshop. I’ll give you the basics of the Divorce Story Structure. This is open to women who haven’t yet taken class with me.

It’s a good introduction to some of the material that will be covered in the April Break: Write Your Divorce Story workshop, designed to help you write your story for your personal file.

I have posted a video: How to Write Your Divorce Story in 5 steps on my Youtube channel. Please subscribe!

NEW FB BIZ PAGE

Follow me. I use the image below: Doctor Stephanie Han

Fall Down Seven Times Get Up Eight Times

That’s what my dad used to drill in my head. Always get back up and try again. Dad is a unique character, but for sure, as complicated as he is, he is NOT a quitter. My dad turns 86 in March. He published the most significant research of his career on Alzheimer’s disease (the mice remembered!) in a journal (starts on page 1001) this month! Mom debuted as a photographer at age 85. My sister Kathy was the amazing force of nature/engine behind their latest efforts. Keep going and never give up. That’s Momi, the little white shelter dog with an anxiety disorder…

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